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Friday With The Family

Oh man, The Baron has no idea what he missed last Friday. Although he's probably somewhere, halfway across this great floating orb, hands covered in the dust of some yet-to-be-named ancient civilization saying, "I bet they would have LOVED Family Guy... and The Goat has no idea what he's missing..."

The first event of the day was the Stewie Sound-Alike contest that took place underneath the sweltering Los Angeles sun within the gorgeous confines of The Grove shopping center. Camera crews were set up doing interviews with the super-trio of Seth Mc, Mike H. and Mila K. while people lingered about grabbing handfuls of sweet Family Guy schwag and waiting for the contest to begin. I bumbled about with my inconspicuous digital camera taking photos and working on my sweet farmer's tan.

When the contest got underway, there were many excellent and hilarious impressions of our little diaper clad conquerer-to-be, and three lucky winners walked away with some pretty ridiculous cash prizes, as well as tickets to the Family Guy Live show at the Wiltern that night. I found out that some of the fans had been waiting since 8AM to be selected for this. Most of you out there may not know this, but 8AM in Southern California is like... 4AM anywhere else. No one wakes up at 8AM out here.

( quarter http://www.fox.com/familyguy/blog/ )

Stewie Annoying Louis

Family Guy-Stewie Annoying Louis

How To Draw Stewie

How to Draw Stewie from Family Guy

Peter Griffin Rap Video

lol..! it's soo cute and funny

Voices Behind The Scenes

Family Guy Voices Behind The Scenes :)

Family Guy Soulja Boy

Family Guy Soulja Boy Video..

I think it's terrible.

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Brian (yea,it is a dog)

Not since the likes of Mr. Ed has there been a more loveable talking animal than Brian. Brian is your typical talking dog in that he's man's best friend, but he's also always seen with a martini, and is always stuck on dates with stupid human women.

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.


Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.


Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?


Peter- Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!
Brian (after Peter falls down and starts screaming): I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because then you won't learn anything.


Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.


Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

Lois Griffin

Lois: You see, our son Chris, well...
Peter: Wait, Lois, we have to handle this delicately. Our son....wants....to plow you.
Mrs. Lockheart: Oh, I thought it was something like that.


Lois: I care about the size of your penis as much as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter: Oh my God! (runs off crying)


Meg: Finally, look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life.
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass.


Lois: Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second - RARF!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.


Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.

Chris Griffin

Peter: Hey Lois, can you grab me a beer?...Lois?
Chris: Dad, I think she went out.
Peter: Alright then you be Lois.
Chris: Okay.
Peter: Hey Lois, can you get me a be...oh my God, you've really let yourself go!
Chris: Well maybe if you bought me some nice clothes once in a while!


Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit!
Doug (Chris's Zit): You traitor!
Doctor: Whoa, that's a doosie! I bet some of those awful kids at school call you Zit Face?
Chris: No
Doctor: Papa Zit?
Chris: No
Doctor: Pus Peak?
Chris: No
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well..yeah..
Doctor: TSk, tsk..oh, that's terrible!


Mrs. Lockheart: "What do you see here Chris?"
Chris: "Two D's and an F."


Chris: So .. ah .. what are you wearing? Ha ha ha ha ha WOW! I bet you could see right through that.
Lois: Chris, who are you talking to?
Chris: Grandma.

Meg Griffin

Meg: God, I don't think I could have been any clearer the last time I turned him down.
Debra Barone: Ray, your mother insulted my steak pizziola. Again.
(Meg walks onto the screen)
Meg: Neil Goldman of Quahog, Rhode Island. Leave me alone! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
(Meg walks off screen)
Debra Barone: Anyway, your mother insulted...
Ray Barone: I don't care anymore Patty after nine seasons I just don't care. Maybe you could try not being a bitch.


Meg: I can't believe my stupid parents are going to follow around stupid old KISS, it's painful.
Peter: Not half as painful as a tire iron upside your head.
Meg: What?
Peter: I'll miss you!


(Chris is sitting in kitchen moping because hes fat and Meg walks in.)
Meg: Whoa! Chris have you lsot weight? You look wicked skinny! Im jealous!
Chris: Really? cause...cause im jealous of your mustache!
Meg: I dont have a mustache!!!!!


Meg: Wow, Jimmy! That was everything Ladies Home Journal said it would be.
Jimmy Fallon: Heh awesome. Great...thanks. Umm...ya know there's--there's something....(laughs)...There's something I gotta tell ya. Being with you just made me feel so aLIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!


Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.


Peter: Let's play a game called Takin' the Fall for Daddy. If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license.
Meg: Really? Oh Daddy, now I love you again.
Peter: Oh, you're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife.

Peter Griffin

Lois: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over me.
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.


Peter: Can't we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother.


Peter: Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 362 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I'd like to propose a toast to our neighbors. Sure they might be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound, but hey, if they moved out some smelly Hawaiians might move in.


Peter: Alright here's a riddle, a mother has two children, and an axe murderer says she can keep one. Which one does she let die?
Lois: Peter, that's not a joke, that's just horrible!
Peter: Wrong the ugly one!


Peter: I've got an idea! An idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about.


Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!


Peter: What are you gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? 'Cause I'm married.



Peter: Hey Lois, can you grab me a beer?...Lois?
Chris: Dad, I think she went out.
Peter: Alright then you be Lois.
Chris: Okay.
Peter: Hey Lois, can you get me a be...oh my God, you've really let yourself go!
Chris: Well maybe if you bought me some nice clothes once in a while!

Stewie Griffin

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?


Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn teether sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!


Guy on Airplane: "Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."
Stewie: "What did you just say?"
Lois: "Stewie, stop fussing."
Stewie: "Pipe down Lois." (Slaps guy on head) "Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, your my bitch."


Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.


Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.


Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?


Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.


Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.


Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.


Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!


Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you.


(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: "Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectufl than that."
Stewie: "Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch."


Stewie: Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.


Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.


Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!


Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."


Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight!


Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!


Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.


Stewie: It wasn't even about the egss, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?"

Family Guy

Family Guy is a popular cartoon on Fox. The series follows the crazy lives of the Griffin family in Rhode Island. Family Guy Fun website has quotes from Peter, Stewie, Meg, Chris, Lois, Brian, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Tom Tucker.